humor Quotes

I never thought I'd land in pictures with a face like mine.

I hate girls that giggle all the time... You hate any girl that David looks at.

No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get... ...

Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn't help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.

I think sex is overrated. I don't have sex appeal and I know it. As a matter of fact, I think I'm rather funny looking. My teeth are funny, for one thing, and I have none of the attributes usually... ...

Who thinks you're as fantastic as your dog does?

Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

For entertainment, a party bears no one in as much as those who are not there.

I'm half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium. If I was a dog, I'd be in a hell of a mess!

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.