satire Quotes

"President Bush threw out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati's great American ball park. 18 Iraqis were killed."

"When in doubt, make funny faces."

"There's something so romantic about being broke in New York. You gotta do it. You have to live there once without any money, and then you have to live there when you have money. Let me tell you, of the... ...

"I ate two waffles, a banana and cereal with blueberries. And that whas between my two breakfasts."

"I have a boyfriend who knows how to settle me. He puts his hand on my chest and tells me boring stories. On one of our first nights together I woke up apologizing for my snoring and he pulled out... ...

"I used to get my hair dyed at a place called Big Hair. It cost $15. They just used straight bleach, so my hair was the color of white lined paper, and my eyebrows looked like they were done with... ...

"I had no idea how to get guys to notice me. I still don't. Who cares?"

"Telling me to relax or smile when I'm angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You're just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off."

"If boys say something that's not funny, you don't have to laugh."

"I think if I have established anything in my book, it's that a key element of being my friend is being comfortable with my forced fun."