satire Quotes

"It's very hard to watch comedy for me, when I'm doing a comedy show, because I either watch a show and I love it, and I'm jealous, or I watch a show and I see all the problems with it,... ...

"Sleep and I do not have a good relationship. We have never been good friends. I am constantly chasing sleep and then pushing it away. A good night's sleep is my white whale. Like Ahab, I am also a total... ...

"I ate two waffles, a banana and cereal with blueberries. And that whas between my two breakfasts."

"In my twenties I tried cocaine, which I instantly loved but eventually hated. Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don't know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It's bad for almost everything else."

"There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do."

"I have a boyfriend who knows how to settle me. He puts his hand on my chest and tells me boring stories. On one of our first nights together I woke up apologizing for my snoring and he pulled out... ...

"I think going from laughing to crying to laughing to crying - making those quick turns adds years to your life."

"Looking silly can be ver powerful. People who are committing and taking risks become the king and queen of my prom. People are their most beautiful when they are laughing, crying, dancing, playing, telling the truth, and being chased in... ...

"We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third."

"Believe me, blond hair can take you really far, especially with the older men. It can really distract from the face. I am convinced I could have had sex with both Tony Bennett and John McCain if we weren't each... ...

"I had no idea how to get guys to notice me. I still don't. Who cares?"

"When in doubt, make funny faces."