Quotes by lawyer

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

I have great respect for the semicolon; it is a mighty handy little fellow.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn't make it a leg.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

If there should prove to be one real, living Free State Democrat in Kansas, I suggest that it might be well to catch him and stuff and preserve his skin as an interesting specimen of that soon-to-be-extinct variety of the genus Democrat.

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.