"To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute."
"The faster you go, the shorter you are."
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love."
"If I could do it all again, I'd be a plumber."
"If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare me a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German, and Germany will declare that I am a Jew."
"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
