“Do you know the "uni Horn" (Rhinoceros)? Well, I'm more "lonelier" than it.”
More Quotes of the Day about Funny
“No one leaves before their time—unless their boss leaves early.”
“I love being married. It’s great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“No one understood life like the dinosaurs—they saw things weren’t looking good, so they went extinct.”
“My greatest achievement was convincing my wife to marry me.”
“By working honestly eight hours a day, you may eventually become the boss and work twelve hours a day.”
“When I learned that sugar dissolves in water, I immediately quit swimming.”
“I want my kids to have everything I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
“I complain to my mom about everything—except when my eyes hurt. I already know the answer.”
“Everyone falls in love, except me—I fall into trouble.”
“My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should’ve taken a second look.”
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
“If life doesn’t laugh at you, tickle it.”
“The more I try to be serious, the more I break into unnatural laughter.”
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without it.”
“I’m tired of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and catch up with them later.”
“Don’t get attached to anyone; people aren’t trees, and you’re not a monkey.”
“When your mom asks, ‘Do you want some advice?’ it’s just a formality. It doesn’t matter if you say yes or no. You’re getting it anyway.”
